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Drowning in testosterone

First published February 20, 2012

For years I have known that I did not want a daughter. I was a total nightmare myself, so I didn't want that drama. I was thrilled when my little boy was, in fact, a boy. I was a tomboy so I knew it would be great. I grew up with just my sister and me, so some of the little boy things I missed out on. These days, I find myself questioning myself...."Is this a thing boys do?" Here are some examples of my life with my six year old boy, a husband, and three male dogs.

1) I think my kid cries dirt. Seriously. That child can get out of the bathtub, and if he cries, he has streaks down his face. Is this a thing? Is it normal? People tell me boys are always getting dirty, but actually...how does this happen? And I'm serious.

2) I cleaned carpets this weekend. The carpet was filled with 30% hair (mine), 20% Dirt and 50% rocks. Tiny little pebbles. I make the child take his shoes off when we walk into the house because his shoes are always filled with rocks, but how has he managed to get roughly 5 lbs. of rocks stuck in the carpet?

3) SMELL MY FEET!
SMELL MY SOCKS!
LOOK AT MY UNDER WARE!
LOOK IN THE TOILET!
THE DOG POOPED SOOO MUCH, COME SEE! 
These are all things I hear daily. Little boys are proud of their smells.

4) This is one of my closest friends favorite stories. My son loves to pee outside. I have often turned around and caught him peeing out in the middle of the yard, in the middle of the day. But, when he was about three years old, he was peeing off the front porch. I yelled at him to stop, and he got furious with me. "Those children at the park saw my weiner when you yelled they all looked at me."
Yes, he said those children and was angry I brought attention to it. This sadly did not break his habit, but it slowed it down.

5) 20 pairs of jeans and 20 pairs with holes in the knees. We go through jeans like toilet paper.

6) He now talks in his "man voice" He wants everyone to know he is manly. When he visits me at work, he only speaks in his "man voice" When we eat out, he only orders in his "man voice" For the life of me I can not get him to stop. Its all fine but comes off a bit like he is mocking someone. I don't want anyone to think he is mocking them so, I try to get him to stop...but here we are three weeks into this phase, and he said this morning, "love you mom" in his "deep man voice."

7) Bathroom behavior. Not flushing, leaving spit out toothpaste in the sink, hubs whiskers all over, toothpaste on the faucet, pee on the floor, TP roll, bare.

8) Army guys, guns, and cars EVERYWHERE. On the floor, in my bed, in my fridge, in the couch, on the coffee table, in the corner, in my China hutch-EVERYWHERE!

9) He apparently thinks my husband and I are deaf. His one volume is a 10 of 10. Neither my husband or son can whisper.

10) Dropping our pants ANYWHERE is HILARIOUS.  He has mooned me in Walmart, the grocery store, my work...etc. There is never any thinking about it, it just happens, and he always laughs.

Lucy's two.

Aunt Overload